Facebook is a swirling vortex of passive aggressive behavior. I don’t think I’d be far off if I said that around 98% of all Facebook users have sat seething in front of their newsfeed over a status they are positive is about them but can’t prove and hence can’t straight up respond to. Instead, they sit and attempt to think up a quote, lyric, or sarcastic bit that they can post as a status, hoping that the person sees it and starts seething as well.

One person writes, “you’re so vain, you probably think this status is about you” so the next person writes “I fucking hate when people post song lyrics as a status”. People invest so much time and effort in writing a scathing status about someone hoping it will make them feel bad while simultaneously avoiding getting called out.

Some people take a slightly less passive approach, and simply post “Seriously, stop posting photos of your baby. No one gives a shit”, when what they really mean is “I wish that one bitch I hate so much yet am still friends with for inexplicable reasons would just stfu already”, so when their momma friends comment on it apologizing or feeling insulted, they can say “ohh, not you! I loove your baby!”

Now, I can’t say I’m not entertained by the flurry of contradicting posts and comments that dance around the edge of pure hatred, but sometimes I wish more people would say what they mean to the person they’re talking about. For one, it’d be a lot more entertaining to watch it unfold. and for another, they’d probably find they have a lot more time on their hands once they stop spending an hour Googling a scathing quote by some dead philosopher that they can take out of context.

Occasionally people I’ve been friends with for a long time will pick up Facebook habits that just annoy the shit out of me. It annoys me to no fucking end when they repost the same link three times because their Twitter feeds to their profile and they posted it on their page, and then AGAIN on their profile five hours later, by sharing it FROM their page, for example. Or when they post a photo to Facebook through Instagram and then AGAIN, to their Facebook  but this time through twitter, five minutes later. Point blank, I don’t want to see your exact same photo in seven different ways. You like it so much then make it your profile photo for a month until you get the number of likes and comments that give you the validation you so desperately crave.

I, as a Facebook user, have a choice here. I can message them and ask them to for the love of god please control their auto feeds and link sharing. But I can also just block them from my newsfeed so their double and triple posting stops popping up.

Lately, I’ve taken up the latter and my feed has gotten so much more boring I’m going to have to take up dart throwing at whisky bottles to fill up the empty space. Facebook is one of the most hypocritical and passive aggressive slutfests on the internet, but then again, that’s probably why we’re on it in the first place.